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More Funny Quotes

Difference in dogs & men

Difference in dogs & men

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal di

Newspaper

Newspaper

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis informed.

Winning girls

Winning girls

If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.

Importance of humour

Importance of humour

If I had no sense of humour, I would long ago have committed suicide.

Entry to heaven

Entry to heaven

Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Habit of smoking

Habit of smoking

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

High Boots

High Boots

Even on the most solemn occasions I got away without wearing socks and hid that lack of civilization

Fools day

Fools day

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and si

Eye for an eye

Eye for an eye

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.

How young you look

How young you look

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

World and family

World and family

What can you do to promote world peace. Go home and love your family.

Dreaming

Dreaming

The nicest thing for me is sleep, then at least I can dream.

Testing a man

Testing a man

Nearly all men can stand adversity but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.

Tragedy and comedy

Tragedy and comedy

Life is a tragedy when seen in close up, but a comedy in long shot.

When To Write

When To Write

Write drunk edit sober.

Schooling Business.

Schooling Business.

When you introduce competition into the public school system, most studies show that schools start t

Human Quality.

Human Quality.

What the superior man seeks is in himself, what the small man seeks is in others.

Infinite Things.

Infinite Things.

Two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity and I am not sure about the universe.

Perfection & Destruction.

Perfection & Destruction.

Time perfects men as well as destroys them.

Never Share Secrets.

Never Share Secrets.

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead

Gems On Earth

Gems On Earth

There are three gems upon this earth - food, water and pleasing words. Fools consider pieces of rock

Kills Without Drawing Blood.

Kills Without Drawing Blood.

The tongue like a sharp knife Kills without drawing blood.

Never Awaken Them

Never Awaken Them

The serpent, the king, the tiger, the stinging wasp, the small child, the dog owned by other people

Tail Of A Dog

Tail Of A Dog

The life of an uneducated man is as useless as the tail of a dog which neither covers its rear end n

Suspicion

Suspicion

The hardest thing of all is to find a black cat in a dark room, especially if there is no cat.

Income Tax Complications

Income Tax Complications

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.

Sex Education

Sex Education

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools but I don't believe the kids should be given homewor

Peace At Home

Peace At Home

Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.

Purpose Of Brain

Purpose Of Brain

Paper is to write things down that we need to remember. Our brains are used to think.

People Who Never Change

People Who Never Change

Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.

Parenting

Parenting

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behaviour and I a

Disappointments After MARRIAGE

Disappointments After MARRIAGE

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change

Men & Women Are Different Species

Men & Women Are Different Species

Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.

Wife Is In Charge

Wife Is In Charge

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage - the wife is incharge.

Eye Causes Temptation

Eye Causes Temptation

It is the eye of other people that ruin us. If I were blind I would want neither fine clothes, fine

Drive Safe

Drive Safe

It is better to travel well than to arrive.

Tax Uncertainty

Tax Uncertainty

In this world nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes.

How To Discipline A Child

How To Discipline A Child

In spite of the seven thousand books of expert advice, the right way to discipline a child is still

Overeating

Overeating

I saw few die of hunger of eating a hundred thousand.

Remedy Through Sleep

Remedy Through Sleep

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I am awake, you know!

Liars & Magicians

Liars & Magicians

Great liars are also great magicians.

Gravitation & Love.

Gravitation & Love.

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.

Misjudgements

Misjudgements

Everybody is a genius but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole

The "Word" Is

The "Word" Is 'Education'

Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.

Sandwich

Sandwich

Do not pass between two Brahmans between a Brahmana and his sacrificial fire between a wife and her

Mirror To A Blind

Mirror To A Blind

Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person.

Lawyers & Countrymen

Lawyers & Countrymen

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

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